Gay Rumors, They’re Gr-r-reat!

10 Jan

Jameson weighs in on rumors about Tiger Woods’ sexuality.

Just when you thought the stories swirling about Tiger Woods’ numerous extramarital affairs couldn’t get any better, former bit-on-the-side Loredana Jolie Ferriolo drops the Gay-bomb: according to RadarOnline.com, she saw Tiger having sex with other men and is currently trying to sell her story, including graphic descriptions of group sex in which Tiger had male-male contact.

Now, I’ll be the first person to admit that being one of Tiger’s mistresses doesn’t make you too reputable a source of information, particularly when you’re trying to score a tell-all book deal. At the same time, who could know more about what gets Tiger off than someone who has, in fact, gotten Tiger off? Besides which, I have read the dirty texts, and it’s clear that his sexual tastes are not so vanilla after all.

What we do know with relative certainty is that Tiger is into girl-on-girl, arranged (read: paid) sex, and some mild BDSM (though, really, what’s so scandalous about a bit of spanking and hair pulling?). It’s also clear, to me anyway, that Tiger is a bona fide sex addict, less concerned with intimacy and personal connection than with what feels good. Gay or not, who’s to say a man doesn’t feel good to Tiger, too? Not to mention…

…one of Tiger’s emails to main bit-on-the-side Rachel Uchitel, leaked to US Weekly shortly after the Tiger story exploded, has some definite homoerotic overtones:

I had a dream we were married and I was leading the tournament. I came home, excited to see you, and there you were in the bedroom getting f—ked by Derek and David. Some part of me thinks you would like that.

The men mentioned here are understood to be Derek Jeter and David Boreanz, with whom Uchitel, an NYC club promoter, is reported to have had sexual relationships. (Ryan Seacrest, another of Uchitel’s alleged conquests did not make it into Tiger’s fantasy. He must be heartbroken.) After describing the fantasy, Tiger continues:

Now I can’t get back to sleep. My body is tired, but my mind is awake. Need an Ambien.

As I see it, the gay rumors could pan out one of three ways:

1)    They are nothing but one woman’s desperate attempt to stay in the spotlight for another fifteen minutes (and again, this is totally possible).
2)    They turn out to have some credence to them (maybe there was some drunk touching) but not enough for people to really take notice/care.
3)    They turn out to have more credence to them than not.

The third possibility is, admittedly, the least likely, but the most interesting from a queer perspective. Unfortunately, I think a revelation of Tiger’s gay experiences (maybe even if they did amount to nothing more than some drunk touching) would be portrayed as sort of the ultimate fall from grace. I mean, cheating on his wife and paying for sex is one thing, but a man?! This is, unfortunately, the country we live in. On the other hand, should theses rumors have some truth to them, there is the opportunity for a very public figure (with a very public private life) to show that sexuality, like everything else, does exist on a spectrum. Tiger Woods is not gay—that’s not the issue. The issue is that an ostensibly straight man, whose romantic and primary sexual interest is in women, might have some fantasies—or even experiences—involving other men. If that’s the case (and I’m pretty certain that it sometimes is), we might all be able to take a deep breath and stop worrying so much about what is ‘gay’ and what isn’t, which in turn, would make everybody more relaxed and accepting of one another.

And mostly, what I think we can take away from these rumors is this:

How much must Derek Jeter be dwelling on the Gillette commercials he and Tiger made with Roger Federer? Talk about awkward…

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